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Imagination

Imagination is the meeting up of our wishes, fantasies and memories with our sensual perceptions of reality. The baby will only come to love reality, Donald Winnicott tells us, if her experience of hallucinating and wishing for the breast, happily coincides with the right thing coming along. There is a moment of illusion when the breast that has been so fantasised and longed for is all mixed up and “enriched by actual details of sight, feel, smell.” In this way, as Winnicott describes it, the infant “starts to conjure up what is actually available”. And so it is with our imagination. We need to join our ideas and wishes with the available nourishing satisfactions and perceptions of the real world. Margaret Thatcher has been described as many things, pathologised monster and idealised redeemer. Perhaps she will always be remembered for her fixed self belief and certainty of purpose. In 1982 Michael Foot remarked “she has no imagination, and that means no compassion”. Maybe one of the post-thatcherite realities we are left with is the increasing divide between the rich and the poor. On the one hand, we have people drunk on consumed goods or experiences that can never nourish them because over-consumption is an excess of what we want; a sort of fixed fantasy of wanting, and being filled, that no reality can ever match. On the other hand people in poverty have a reality stripped bare of any illusion or desire, which makes it intolerable. Imagination and the powers of creative illusion are human qualities that resist the insatiable appetites of consumers and the brutality of being poor: the sadomasochism of the market. Such illusion and imagination are not, sadly, a legacy of Thatcherism, but perhaps we need to start reinventing them as more sustainable ideals?

 

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Childhood

Bton6Childhood informs everything and predicts nothing, which is why in life and in therapy we spend our time going back and repeating the familiar patterns and experiences that we recognise. But to get to the future we have to experiment with what is new and thus unknowable. The challenge is to understand the child, and to learn to forget her, or perhaps simply to love her, and leave her, in the break towards our future which carries neither maps nor guarantees. Adam Phillips argues that as children we know where we are going in terms of our desires, but for the adult there can be no such certainty, for as adults we need to be able to bear loss and being lost. He writes, “experience of the past becomes certainty about the future. The omniscient, needless to say, never feels lost; or rather, the omniscient part of ourselves always knows what is happening and what is going to happen. The omniscient part of ourselves always knows where we are”.

 

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I have recently learnt more about working with dreams from my clinical supervisor, a woman whom I admire for her intelligence, knowledge and the way she encourages me to think.

Dreams are both crazy and fascinating. When explored in psychotherapy it can lead to a better understanding of internal conflicts, unprocessed material and offer insight on a profound level. Anything is possible in a dream; conflicting aspects and feelings can co-exist. The sense of time and boundaries is free-flowing and completely subjective.

Our conscious minds repress a range of information and affect which would be too much to process by day. These normally appear in our dreams. Freud thought of dreams as wish fulfilment and used interpretation, while Jung saw it as compensation for what was missing in a person’s life and worked with the original images in a dream.

I am interested in how the unconscious seeks ways of communicating, not only through dreams but also in waking life; and how this manifests between client and therapist. For instance, the use of imagery and metaphor is a powerful way of unconscious communication.

Phillip Bromberg writes about the use of association in his clinical work. Often a client’s unformulated feelings or thoughts seek to find expression in therapy through an unconscious or telepathic communication with their therapist. The use of associations by the therapist in deep attunement with their client (when appropriately communicated in a timely way) can enable an internal dialogue between parts of the client’s self which seek to become more integrated.

“The road to the patient’s unconscious is created, and it is created nonlinearly by the analyst’s own unconscious participation in its construction even while he thinks he is simply observing it” (Bromberg 2011 p.86).

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Relax…

A needed message today. Credit to HAI Global, The Human Awareness Institute

We have seen how Freud distinguished mourning and melancholia. In mourning, our memories and hopes  linked to the one we’ve lost are run through, and each is met with the judgement that the person is no longer there. The process of surveying and reshuffling thoughts and images will eventually exhaust itself, and the mourner will choose life over death. In pathological or complicated mourning , this process is arrested, due primarily to the presence of powerful feelings of hate mixed with our love for the deceased. In melancholia, the unconscious hatred of the one we’ve lost twists back to submerge us: we rage against ourselves as we once raged against the other, due to our unconscious identification with them. We have become what we could not bear to give up (Leader, 2008).

Photo by Ursula Jahara

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Being Yourself

I came across Oscar Wilde’s lovely quote “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken”. It made me think of the work I do and how so much of it is about facilitating people to discover who they really are. I am also also reminded of my own personal journey of embracing my unique self and becoming more the person I wish to be. I truly love seeing people tapping into their inner-wisdom, finding their own voice, and coming into their energy and aliveness through allowing themselves to feel. Of course this is no easy process. It is hard for us all to challenge the familiar and the known because, although it no longer serves us, at least we know where it leads us. Daring to do something different is scary because it is unknown, but it also means challenging our early survival mechanisms. Those who have experienced the therapeutic process know it takes time and effort to come to a place where it feels safe enough to let go of old patterns.

As we come to the end of this year, I would like to think that I have supported the individuals I work with in coming a little closer to who they are or wish to become. I would also like to think that I have come closer to myself and done more things that I find personally fulfilling. As the holiday approaches, I look forward to having more time to be, think, feel and enjoy.

Whether you find this time of year enjoyable, relaxing, exciting, sad, difficult or stressful, I hope you find back to yourself and do what feels right to you.

 

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Childhood

We think we leave childhood behind us, but how we look at the world when we are adults is very much tied to the way the world looked at us then.

Michael Basch

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I am currently reading Phillip Bromberg’s book ‘Standing in the Spaces, Essays on Clinical Process, Trauma & Dissociation’. One quote really stood out today:

Self-expression and human relatedness will inevitably collide, but health in not integration. Health is the ability to stand in the spaces between realities without loosing any of them. This is what I believe self-acceptance means and what creativity is really all about- the capacity to feel like one self while being many.

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Love and Anxiety

In the latest issue of ‘The Psychotherapist’ Dr Geoff Warburton interviews Dr Harville Hendrix, co-founder of Imago relationship therapy and author of “Getting the Love you Want”.

In the interview, Warburton asks Hendrix about his definition of love. Interestingly, the topic turns to anxiety.

According to Hendrix, love is a sense of safety and connection, generated when we are not anxious. In anxiety, we feel separate from others and busy trying to regulate it.

Anxiety originates as a result of disruptive connections to our caretakers in childhood, and manifests in response to present situations. In adulthood we attempt to regain this connection through relationships with others in our lives. In Hendrix’s words, “connection is not experienced in your head. Its experienced by being with others and not being anxious about being with others…You are loving when you are not anxious, it’s your nature”.

Existential philosophers talk about anxiety as an unconscious fear of death and ultimately of non-being (hence the role of religion in installing hope of life after death). Our ultimate fear isn’t however of abandonment or even death, but of not existing at all. So, in connection we come into being.

Hendrix goes on to say that empathy is built into our system, but the presence of anxiety results in an absence thereof. Empathy is vital in establishing and maintaining connection; however in situations of conflict for instance, when the survival mechanisms in the brain are activated through perceived danger, our focus shifts from connection to reactivity. Having myself taken part in Hendrix’s couple’s workshop, it was interesting  to read that the whole purpose of these dialogue techniques is to create a climate of safety by switching the focus of attention from inner reactivity to your partner’s expression. The result is a balance between the right and left hemispheres of the brain.

At the end of the interview Warburton asks, “could you say something about hate?” to which Hendrix responds by stating that hate and aggression are secondary symptoms of anxiety, as are most syndromes and symptoms. He finalises with: “If you help people explore their hatred, they become more hateful. You have to help them understand that they are just scared and then how they can regulate their fear. Then they become more connected and loving”.

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Emotions

Emotions

Strasser, F. (1999)


Only in this century have emotions been considered a holistic part of human existence

Every emotion has its own function

The notion of ‘dangerous emotions’ has had an enduring influence on Western Civilization (Eg. Sin caused by emotions)

According to Sartre, an emotion is only an emotion when the individual is not aware and not contemplating his feelings and actions; an unreflective emotion is when one is ‘under a spell’; Emotions transform the world into a ‘magical place’.

Reflective emotions are emotions we can control (‘conscious’, ‘aware’)

In therapy, the capacity to observe and to listen to clients’ emotions is the most important part of the therapeutic process

Emotion is precisely consciousness (‘I cannot get in touch with my emotions’)

Emotions are the best vehicles for clients to disclose themselves and reveal their world-view. It also illuminates their values and sedimentations, allowing them to challenge their rigid sedimentations

Sartre’s main assumption is that emotion is always present in our consciousness and that emotion always means something

Each emotion has intentionally to direct itself at something

Emotions not only reveal the individual’s world-view, but also disclose the diversity of each individual

We all differ in how we experience and react to emotions

Whether we are aware of it or not, we disclose ourselves through emotions

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